Forks Are Dangerous
July 12, 2009
Did you know that billions of children and puppies around the world die because of the use of forks? But, “How could this be so???” You ask, astounded to find out that you have been supporting the murder of children for your entire life….
The truth is that in dark, smoke-filled rooms across the country, small children are forced to craft and carve metal forks with their teeth… Painfully gnawing away at metal shards that are left over from the manufacturing of larger pieces of machinery.
The puppies are used to test the toxicity of the metal shards. Thin layers of peanut butter are placed on these metal shards and the puppies licking them find their tongues quickly torn and bloody. Only the cutest puppies are chosen in a meager effort to entertain the children who die on a daily basis from tooth injuries occuring during the creation of the forks.
When purchasing higher-end flatware at your favorite store, just remember that the more expensive the forks are, the more lives were lost in the creation of said fork.
All this useless slaughter just because you don’t want to eat with your hands. But I ask you….what is actually more civilized???
[...] was an avid proponent of sporks over forks and he had long conversations about the topic with his bonsai plants. Being a large man himself, [...]